WHAT
THE
FCUK.
Here i thought i was having a good day.
Then i check NAP.
And ruin my evening.
No, that's not fair; nothing could make today any less incredible for me, but god, that really did give me a jerk.
i mean, i just saw it maybe five minutes ago now, and i still feel like somebody's hit me.
my teeth are clenched, my muscles are loose, my heart's beating slower, my breathing's deeper, i can feel the adrenaline dilating my blood vessels and my pupils.
If her life's so great, why does she need to post?
Does she think she's rubbing something in my face?
If so, What?
That i chose Sierra over her?
Right.
God, i'm worked up; i'm not thinking straight.
i might not even publish this.
Oh jesus, i just started crying. i still don't get used to the feeling of it; i still think my eyes are bleeding. i don't need this. Why doesn't it do what i tell it anymore? i don't need this stress. ShutupshutupyouremeatyoudonttalkshutupshutupSHUTUP!
Another thing i have you to thank for, Nicole. i didn't need to cry before you.
You were so much to me as a friend, and you made yourself nothing as a fling.
You were someone i could talk to, now you're Miss 29. How does that feel?
And worst of all, i've lost so much.
i love how she says "i didn't do anything".
Nicole, i could still like you, if you hadn't fcuking knifed me right in the back the second i told you that i couldn't not tell Sierra what happened.
"Why can't this just be between us? Why do you have to tell her? She'll never know if you don't" went to "He raped me, Stephen" in less than a day; and i'm supposed to ever trust you again? No. Not acceptable. i could have accepted that it was a confusing night, that a lot of things were strange and there was a lot going on. That night, i honestly believed that i could be in love with both of you. That if i really, honestly loved both of you, unconditionally, and you both loved me, that it could be okay. i honestly thought "If it really is love, how can it be wrong?" But it wasn't, was it? Was it some sort of conquest to you, Nicole? Here's this guy you like and admire but who can't be totally yours, so you break what's there? i honestly thought everything i said and did that night meant something, but when you just knock it face down in the dirt like that, that's something you can never take back. The time for thinking of how much you would miss talks in the rain was during the brief hours it took you to jump between those two states.
And now this is what it is to be an animal, Nicole. i can never trust you again.

What am i doing?
It's a waste of time.
She'll never read this. She'll never know. All i'm doing is fraying my nerves and opening the wound all over again.
Enough of this.
i love you, Sierra. I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU.
You're the most important person in my life.
Courtesy.
- posted by Third @ 1:41 AM