This is, so far, the highlight of my day:

These are actual logs of maintainence complaints and solutions
from Quantas' Pilots and mechanical teams' Gripe Sheets.
For the non-pilot readers, a brief explanation of what this is:
After every flight, pilots fill out a form, called a gripe sheet, that
conveys to the mechanics any problems encountered with the
aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction.  The
mechanics read and correct the problem, then respond in
writing on the lower half of the form as towhat remedial action was
taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the
next flight.  Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack
a sense of humor. 

By the way, Quantas is the only major airline that has never had an
accident.

(P= the problem logged by the Pilot)
(S= the solution and action taken by the mechanics)

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.

P: IFF inoperative
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, flight right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel.  Sounds like midget
pounding on
something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

Courtesy.
- posted by Third @ 3:51 PM