My Debate With Brian Regarding Morality!

Courtesy
- posted by Third @ 1:56 AM (0) comments

 
i'm so happy i got to see her again today!
As you can see, my mood was better today, and i wasn't feeling ignored at all.
i got Ubercute Jr Prom Pictures!
Brian recently addressed the problem of the word Love in His Blog; and i've generated the following definition for myself personally:
"Love" = "An unconditional feeling of connection, a feeling that another person falls into the same catergory of importance as self-concern."
i know that sounds very clinical and unemotional, but it's be best i could think of for an objective definition. Further:
"i Love you." = "i care about you and your interests as deeply as an extension of my own survival instincts. Without you, my life is profoundly altered for the worse. i enjoy time spent with you, and enjoy you as a person, regardless of what you might bring to a situation"
So it's much more than all the doubters seem to have drawn from "i love Sierra." when i say it; to them being "i greatly enjoy the way Sierra makes me feel."

Sierra, it's not that i like the way you make me feel.
i like who i am because of you.
i like the little moments i share with you that only i know,
like when i catch myself feeling unreasonably jealous of everyone around me,
because they can see you as well as i can.

Courtesy.
- posted by Third @ 10:35 PM (0) comments

 
i've been all depressed today.
i woke up all bummed, and i was excited to see Sierra, and i loved seeing her, but i wish she hadn't been so busy, i felt kind of ignored. Like it was just any other day for her. i know that's totally unreasonable, i'm looking at it through my mood.
Well, i'm tired, i need some sleep. i'm going to see what i can do about that; i have some excedrin PM; a few of those usually do it.
i love you, Smurfie, ii wanted to stay up long enough to be awake when it strikes 11 months, but not it's almost one.
You said i'm supposed to sleep; i hope i dream of you in sleep as much as i do while i'm awake.

Courtesy.
- posted by Third @ 12:55 AM (0) comments

 
Reading through this, it struck me how unhappy i sound.
i do not see this being true, mostly.
i am also disappointed that the zen i tend to lead my life by doesn't come through more either.
Hm.
Well, let's have it out then.
Yes, i am very unhappy that i am not as free to see my girlfriend as i wish i was.
i also accept that i had something to do with that.
On the whole, i am a very fulfilled person; i have a good job with interesting people, i have an above average standard of living and a family that isn't so bad mostly. i have a group of peers that are mostly supportive (The ones i'm closer to, anyway; the others i really think of more as acquaintances. To me, 'friends' are in the same tier [or higher in many cases] than family. They have been my family when my family has not.) and on the whole, good people; in spite of how they might come off. i am fortunate enough to have found a member of the opposite gender (Not that's the bit that matters so much, really) who loves me unconditionally and is more of a positive influence in my life than i think anyone gets to see. Further, i have a body that's stood up to it's mileage in nothing short of miraclous condition, and regardless of the punishment it's been put through, it still does exactly what i tell it to an extent that i still believe beats out most people. The reflexes, while frazzled, still function normally and well, as does the metabolism. The immune system, while somewhat spotty recently, has performed incredibly overall. In short, my life is pretty good.
Now the zen bit:
Courtesy, Moderation, Compassion.
Those are the tenets. Respect these, and we should get along just fine.
In the traditional Zen fashion; from Courtesy comes Courage, from Moderation comes Generosity, and from Compassion comes Respect.
At least that's how it's supposed to work. i'll be the first to say i'm not the best zen student there was.
But that's what makes it all worth it: i could be some day.
i hope i've made it apparent how much i think of you (And by that i don't mean how often), Sierra.

Courtesy.
- posted by Third @ 11:59 PM (0) comments

 
i went to work today.
i felt better when i woke up.
Once i got there, however.
i still felt sick and still almost passed out, i only heaved twice.
And to make it all even better, Phil wouldn't get off his half, so i didn't get to talk to Sierra when she called.
Fucker. He shall pay.
Easter Dinner with the family. Had Aunt Millie and Libby and David and the girls over, and i guess it was nice.
i really like David, he's good people.
Ah, and so i called EmiLy this morning at like 10:30.
She hung up on me. So that i took as a bad sign.
Turns out there was a reason, and she's not mad at me or anything
(Which follows, sort of, since EmiLy never really ever deemed me important enough to be pissed at that i can remember, much less with no reason i can think of)
She left me a voicemail telling me as much, so.
At least she's not dead or pregnant, which were the two dreads i had.
Sierra, i miss you. Lots.
For all you Christian peeps, He is risen!
For all you ingentiles, happy passover.
For the rest of you fuckers, happy 4/20.

Courtesy.

- posted by Third @ 9:51 PM (0) comments