Requiem for NAP.
Looks like LJ's done hosting NAP just for, well, Brian i guess, since Sierra won't go there since Nicole posted, and i really can't post and honestly tell myself that some part of me want her to see it; wants her to be hurt that i'm still me without her, wants her to know that i haven't forgotten, wants her to know how much i hate her for loving me, or hate her for not loving me.
it hurts me to think about her.
it hurts those i love.
but it doesn't hurt her.
i think that's what i hate the most.
That i turned her from someone i loved into someone i hate. i just wrote all about that, but i deleted it. i'm not going to hurt anyone with this anymore.
Hopefully NAP will be the last link. The chains of those memories are gone now.

Work didn't suck as much today, and i got the sweetest call from Sierra!
i checked my messages on my ten-minute break, and there was this uber-nice message from her, and i just started laughing and crying, because that was just what i needed (Unlike some people i could name, i take ONE break when i'm totally burned out and NEED one...), And one of my co-workers, who was on break too, wa
s all "Oh no, did you get some bad news? i guess the way i was smiling and laughing looked like sobbing, so everyone freaked out. i get the feeling they all think i'm a really weird kid...
Whatever.
i did closing today, which meant take out the trash and do the dishes, but that was cool, it was like Loaves and Fishes all over again.
i'm getting the hang of sandwich bar, and i'm learning not to second-guess myself on abbreviations.
That's not to say i'm not making mistakes or asking for help, i am. A lot.
i still have a long way to go.
Then i went to dinner with Georgia and Sally and their aunt Suzie (Nadene's grandkids and youngest daughter), at Mimi's Cafe, which was crap. Imagine a TGIF themed like New Orleans. Eew.
And it didn't help that my throat is still sore, and it hurts to swallow at all, much less swallow food; then mom constantly worrying. i can't stand it. "What are you going to have?" "i don't know yet." "Are you going to have the chicken?" "i don't know." Are you going to have a sandwich?" "Stop it, don't do this. Please." And then she's all hurt, but nothing stays in her mind for long anyway. Not outwardly at least. She got just a little more sure that i hate her and was smiling ten minutes later.
i think i might be getting sick.
My throat hurts still, i think a tonsil is swollen and i had a fever at the restaurant. i don't know if the headaches are that, or not eating enough, or dehydration, or sleep deprivation. Damn. That looks really bad once i write it down. Maybe all that's why i'm sick. "A joint-causal statement" rather than a mere "Coincidental occurence" or "Real but minimal cause", as Professor Holden would say. Occam's Norelco and all that.

Sierra.
i'm so hot, but i'm shivering.
And your warm hand is cool on my face.
My throat is sore and raw, but thinking of your breath and mine makes it feel like new.
There's a galloping in my head, and the world sounds to harsh and painful.
But your voice sounds like rainwater in a creek.
And this is how my body tells me in a whisper what my soul sings in a voice like a bell.

i love you Sierra.

Courtesy.




- posted by Third @ 10:58 PM (0) comments

 
So, i had an exceedingly marginal day.
Here i ended up getting to work eight minutes late, which sucked.
Then Julie (Who was five ranks my senior in Kung Fu, ages ago, incedentally) teacehes me how to run the register.
This is on a friday morning, mind you.
Calamity.
i'm sure i've screwed up so many orders already...
i feel so incompetent, even thought i know that's unreasonable.
Then she transferred me over to Sanwich Bar, which was better, especially because Phil, who was 'showing me the ropes' is a really good teacher; patient guy, totally friendly, never criticizes except constructively; he's a refreshing break from the rest of the crew, who are constantly bashing each other (and now me too), albeit always in good fun, and totally not serious.
But it was really busy, and i don't know the abbreviations for taking orders that well.
That's okay, i suppose; i'm still learning; it's only my second day actually working tomorrow after all.
Haha, and then there's the chore Adrian had me do because i was late, which was to clean these drains, which were disgusting to say the least, but i found some money doing it, and that was cool; especially because it totally voided Adrian out on the punishment.
Oh well, enough about all that stuff.
Regardless, i AM looking forward to working there for a while; it's a cool environment. And i think Ron's going to be there tomorrow, and he's totally cool.
Eep. Saw Chicago tonight with The Ladies.
It's pretty good, i suppose. The music is good, but we knew that already, and the dance was very good. the acting just didn't impress me. i don't think it warranted Best Picture, nor the other awards it received. It was good, but like, 7-8 out of 10 good, not excellent good. Then dinner, even though i wasn't hungry at all, which i hate. And to top it all off, my throat is sore and i had a headache all evening.
Oh!! Smurfie called me up tonight!!
i smile a lot!! i thought i wasn't going to get to talk to her until Monday, since i was working at 12:15, but she's all "i love my Liam, so i call him tonight!!"
Thank you Smurfie, you were my big Bright spot today!
Courtesy.
- posted by Third @ 11:46 PM (0) comments

 
Mmyeah, so that's another poem that Smurfie wrote... she doesn't think she's a good poet, but i think you'll agree with me when i say she is...
i got the journal back!! i can write to Her!!!
Yeah, and the story too...
Looks like i need to be careful what i write... i put in a subject she doesn't like, and now she has her revenge!! :-p jkjkjk, i know it's not like that at all.
But that doesn't mean it's going to be any easier to write...
Dudes (Dudettes too, of course! But here in Cali, everyone's a dude, regardless of hardware or self-image), i just realized that i haven't mentioned my new job on here at all!!
It seems i'm taking up Brian's mantle and becoming the group's newest bagel minion, i'm working at the Noah's at midtown; 19th and J st...
i knew i was in at the interview though... everyone there's a goth!
Well, speaking of that, i have a Nation (or three) to rule over
(Anyone who's not in the know, go to www.nationstates.net , it's the greatest thing since steamed rice, i'm serious! Visit my nations, "THE WHITE ROOM," "Chaosmanglemaimdeathia" and "Insight!"
i'd like to give a shoutout to Mike Agcanas on his big 21, and i'd like to thank my agent, who set up this deal, as well as The Academy.
And of course, i love you, Smurfie.

Courtesy.
- posted by Third @ 11:28 PM (0) comments

 
Mmmmmk... So "It's Walky" just gets creepier and creepier...

i know this guy
it's all cute
he makes me smile
and he holds my heart in his hands
he is so nice to me
and that's so rare
he loves me and stuff
i love him too
i could easily spend forever with him
but if i only get two seconds i'll smile
because he loves me
i don't know why we do some dumb things
or why we push
but we're always there
for each other like we've been for so long
i just hope he realizes
how much he means to me
and how much i think of him
or how whenever i turn on a CD that we've listened to
i can remember every moment
i love him a lot
i hope he knows
because i really love him
and i hope someday
we'll never be broken........
- posted by Third @ 12:45 AM (0) comments

 
Um, just in case it's still not clear...

i love you, Sierra.
Say to yourself at LEAST once a day "Liam Loves Me."
It'll make you feel nice, and i like that.

Courtesy.
- posted by Third @ 12:55 AM (0) comments

 
i swear to god whoever writes the webcomic "It's Walky" stalks my girlfriend and i.
Lenny says one of these days i'm going to get this email from the artist saying "You might not know me, but i know youuuuu..."
i just think it's creepy.
IN OTHER NEWS:
1) Brian is concerned about my emotional state. Why all of a sudden, i don't know. Seems to be in reaction to my dogged perseverance to *GASP* ACTUALLY LOVE SOMEONE I'M IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH!!
*** ***or Clown (12:04:50 AM): see, that's regrettable.
I must admit, Liam, I'm pretty worried about your emotional state.
******t xerox (12:04:59 AM): why is that?
*** ***or Clown (12:05:42 AM): you're a Sierra addict. hardcore. you're becoming not much more than a function of her.
******t xerox (12:06:33 AM): i've always been an addict. And i don't see any problem to being addicted to someone loving, kind and supportive towards me.
*** ***or Clown (12:07:18 AM): until they're not. and it is a problem... because of the withdrawals.
******t xerox (12:08:29 AM): And that becomes a problem to me as soon as she does.
******t xerox (12:08:45 AM): Read: No sooner.

Oh well. i'm actually starting to think that my friends are incapable of taking a genuinely good relationship at face value. Whether that's a genesis of non-recognition, disbelief or whatever.

2) The name of Dana's hamster has changed once again, and it looks to be sticking this time around! The decided name is: Lil' Stiny!
Yes, there's a background to that, for those left not at least chuckling appreciatively.
http://www.homestarrunner.com/sbemail29.html
Read the rest too, if you like, it's good stuff.

3) Prom occured!! What a fantastic time, i'm so happy i could go... As i mentioned to Smurfie at the time, i feel so bad for everyone i see, becuase i know that the chances are almost nothing that in the night of their (Or their Other's) Junior Prom they sat in the dark backseat of a Jeep Cherokee and whispered poetry back and forth to each other that made them smile because it was so beautiful and cry because it was so true.

4) YOUR AD HERE!!

5) i think i'm dropping off of DWBN. It seems like nothing's happening, and much as i try to ask for a way into whatever story's going on (9 times out of 10, whatever one Carolyn's doing this week), i always just end up getting snubbed and just watching. It wouldn't be so bad, but i always got picked last for baseball in grade school too.


Well, that's the news from Lake Wob- i mean, in my life, thanks for tuning in, folks!
Courtesy.
- posted by Third @ 12:54 AM (0) comments